Al-Ihya’ al-‘Ulum ad-Din by Sulayman al-Safiri said: ‘It has been reported to us that the angels and Allah send their blessed salutations upon a household that eats together.’ The most important thing to be mindful of in terms of expenditure is to feed them from halal sources. One must not earn through doubtful means to spend on one’s family. For indeed, earning through such means and feeding one’s family is a crime and never beneficial to them. We mentioned the hadiths related to this matter when we discussed the calamities of marriage. VII. Education A married person must learn enough about the rules of menstruation and the necessary precautions to be aware of. He must teach his wife the rules of prayer, the prayers that are to be made up during menstruation, and the parts of worship that are not to be made up.
For indeed, a person is entrusted with the duty of protecting his family from fire: O you who believe! Protect yourselves and your families from a fire… (Tahrim/6) In this regard, it is the husband’s duty to instill the beliefs of the People of the Sunna in his wife, to remove any bid’ah from her heart if it exists, and if she is negligent in religious matters, to frighten her with the punishment of Allah, and to teach her the rulings of charity and istihaza. The knowledge of istihaza is a lengthy subject. Therefore, it is necessary to teach women enough about the rulings of istihaza so that they know which acts of worship are to be made up or not when they are menstruating. For instance, if a woman’s menstrual bleeding stops before sunset, she must make up both the afternoon and the noon prayers of that day.
If a woman’s menstrual bleeding stops before sunrise, she must make up the evening and night prayers of the previous night. This is the least that women must know. If the husband takes care to educate his wife, then she should not leave the house to ask religious questions from scholars. If the husband’s knowledge is insufficient, but he still acts as her representative and goes to scholars to ask about her difficulties and
Kitabu ‘Adab an-Nikah/III. Section
brings back the answer to inform his wife, then she should not go out in such a situation. If there is no such situation, then she may go out to ask scholars about her difficult issues and must do so. In this case, if the husband prevents her, he would be committing a sin. If the wife has learned the obligatory prayers for herself, then she may only go to the remembrance gatherings or to learn more, with the husband’s permission. Whenever a woman neglects one of the rules of menstruation or istihaza and the husband does not teach her what is required, then in such a situation, she would be sinful, and the husband would also be sharing in her sin.
VIII. Division If a person has more than one wife, he must act justly among them. He must not favor one over the others. If he goes on a journey and wishes to take one of them with him, he should draw lots among them. For indeed, the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to do this. If he assigns another woman’s night to someone else, thereby oppressing her, then he must make up that night. For indeed, making up such a night becomes obligatory upon him. In this regard, a person must know the rulings of the division among the wives. This is a lengthy subject. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: ‘Whoever has two wives and favors one over the other (i.e., does not act justly between them), on the Day of Judgment, he will come with one side crooked!’
What is required of a person who has more than one wife is to act justly in giving them gifts and in the bed. Love and sexual desire are things that are not in a person’s control. Indeed, Allah Almighty says: ‘You will never be able to act justly between the women.’ (Nisa/129) 120) Muslim and Bukhari, (from Aisha) 121) The companions of the Sunna and Ibn Hibban, (from Abu Hurayra)
Al-Ihya’ al-‘Ulum ad-Din That is, you cannot act justly in the matter of the heart’s desires and the inclinations of the soul. This sexual relationship, which is subject to these two desires, is different and unavoidable. The Prophet (peace be upon him) acted justly in giving gifts and in spending the nights with his wives, and he would say: ‘O Allah! This is the furthest extent of what I can do in the matters within my power. In the matters beyond my power, I have no strength.’ The Prophet meant the affection of the heart and indicated that affection is not in a person’s control. Our mother Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) was more beloved to the Prophet (peace be upon him) than all the other women, and all our mothers knew this matter.
When the Prophet (peace be upon him) was ill, he was carried every day and every night to the rooms of his wives. He would spend the night with each of them and say: ‘Where will I be tomorrow?’ One of our mothers sensed the meaning of the Prophet’s question and said: ‘The Prophet is asking about the day when it is Aisha’s turn.’ Then the other wives said: ‘We have given you permission. Stay in Aisha’s room for the duration of your illness. For it is heavy for you to go to each room every night.’ – Have you given your permission? – Yes, we have given our permission. – Then take me to Aisha’s room. If one of the wives gives her night to another and the husband consents, then it is the right night.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) would divide his nights among his wives. At one point, he wanted to divorce his elderly wife, Umm Salama, but she gave her night to Aisha and asked the Prophet to remain married to her, and the Prophet did not divorce her.) The companions of the Sunna and Ibn Hibban, (from Aisha) 123) Muslim and Bukhari, (from Amr b. al-As) 124) Ibn Sa’d, Tabakat, (from Muhammad b. Ali b. Hussein)
Kitabu ‘Adab an-Nikah/IIL Section
After that, he did not assign her a night. He would assign one night to Aisha and one night to each of the other wives. However, since the Prophet’s justice was complete and perfect, whenever he had sexual relations with one of his wives without her turn, he would treat all his wives equally to prevent injustice on that day or night. The hadith reported from Aisha is in this context: ‘The Prophet (peace be upon him) had sexual relations with all his wives in one night.’ Enes b. Malik reported that the Prophet had sexual relations with nine of his wives in one day. IX.
Disputes/Non-Compliance If a dispute arises between spouses and they cannot reach an agreement, and if this dispute comes from either side or only from the husband – since the wife is not strong enough to overpower the husband, two arbitrators must be appointed. One of these arbitrators should be from the husband’s family, and the other from the wife’s family, so that these two arbitrators may investigate the events that occurred between the husband and wife. If the spouses wish to reconcile, they should find the point of disagreement and correct it. If they have this intention, Allah Almighty will reconcile them. Hz. ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) sent an arbitrator to find the cause of the dispute between a couple. The arbitrator did not reconcile them. In the face of this situation, Hz. ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) whipped the arbitrator and said: Allah says: ‘If you fear a breach between the wife and husband, appoint an arbitrator from the husband’s family and one from the wife’s family.’
If these arbitrators truly wish to reconcile, Allah will find the cause between them. (Nisa/35) After this, the person who was chosen as the arbitrator returned. He beautified his intention. He showed kindness to the spouses and thus reconciled them. If the dispute comes only from the wife, then the men have authority over the women. It is the right of the man to discipline the woman and to force her to obey. In this way, if the woman neglects her prayers, the man can force her to pray. However, when the man resorts to these methods, he should not act directly. He should act gradually to correct her. First, he should advise her and warn her of Allah’s punishment. If this advice is not effective, he should turn his back to her in bed or leave the bed. If they stay together in the house, he should leave her for up to three nights. If this also does not work, he should beat her in a way that does not leave any marks or wounds, but causing pain without breaking any bones or causing bleeding.
When beating, he should not strike her face. For striking the face is forbidden. When asked, ‘What is the right of the woman over the man?’ the Prophet (peace be upon him) answered: ^j ^./ yi ^5 y?! ıi u/X; ^i ıiı uy :ju !ji)ı j; >’p J; u ■yi’ j V^ ^5 y > o ‘»;>: Feeding her when she eats, dressing her when she wears clothes, not cursing her in her face, and striking her only in a way that does not cause wounds or bruises. Leaving her only because she refuses to sleep with him in bed. The man may be angry with his wife. If she disobeys him in any religious command, he may leave her for up to ten days, twenty days, or a month.
In fact, when the Prophet (peace be upon him) sent a gift to his wife, Zaynab bint Jahsh, and she returned the gift, another wife of the Prophet who was in his room said to him: ‘Zaynab has disgraced and belittled you because she did not accept your gift.’ In response, the Prophet said to his wives: ûî 4JI ^ û>i ^ Sizin beni belitmeniz Allah’ın tahkir ve belitmesinden ehvendir.) Ebu Dâvud, Nesâî ve İbn Mâce
Kitabu ‘Adab an-Nikah/IIL Section
After saying this, he remained away from all his wives for a month. After his anger subsided, he returned to them. X. Vika It is recommended to begin the relationship between spouses with the basmala. Before intimacy, he should recite the Surah Ikhlas, say Allahu Akbar, and then say La ilaha illa Allah, and then recite this prayer: ‘I begin with the name of Allah, the Most Great and Most High. O Allah! If You have decreed that a child will be born from my lineage, make him a pure and righteous child.’ The Prophet (peace be upon him) advised his ummah on this matter: öl? Öü GjJ ti öû£jl ^-5 ûlîeJl j^± J^i :Jü ilil Ji W ^’ öi ) When one of you wishes to have intimacy with his spouse, he should say: ‘O Allah! Keep me away from the devil or keep the devil away from the provision You will give me.’ If a child is born from this intimacy, the devil cannot influence that child. When the time of ejaculation approaches, he should recite the following verse without moving his lips: ‘All praise is due to Allah, who created man from a drop of sperm…’ One of the scholars would raise his voice to the people in the house and recite the takbir when he wished to have intimacy (unwillingly). When wishing to have intimacy, one should turn his face away from the qibla, and should not face the qibla during intimacy as a sign of respect. During intimacy, both the man and the woman should be covered with a cloth 128) Ibn Juzayy, el-Vefak, (without a specific source). Muslim and Bukhari also report that Hz.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) vowed not to enter the rooms of his wives for a month due to anger, as reported by Hz. ‘Umar.) Muslim and Bukhari
îhya-i Ulûm’id-Din
and cover themselves. For indeed, the Prophet (peace be upon him) would cover himself and lower his voice, and he would advise his spouse to remain calm.130
ü-5^ ^/^ ^ ÜÂÎ ^Jüöi ^>r ül
None of you should undress like animals when having intimacy with your spouse.131
Before intimacy, one should speak softly and kiss the spouse. For the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
^J^J 4 J^’ ^J :jî! J^j 1*^1 j^Jj ^ l*^ $jA ı^ l^”*1*’ Cf^
.f^İlj Ş :jü !4JI
None of you should approach your spouse like an animal. There should be an envoy between them. It was said: ‘O Messenger of Allah! What is the envoy?’ He said: ‘Kissing and speaking.’132
^’İ tjj 1ÛI. ^ öl jj ojLÜ «^ 4-^4 ^ Jİ 4^) J z^1 ^ SSc
J?* ‘t::’1? ^^jj J ^.j^ J>y!l <~>jl4 j! >4^) *>1^ ûc- i^Ş J>l o^J jl
•4″*^ ^^*!*’ ^y âı Ol Jj l^> ^■l> ^öaL* l^Â^Câjj L^öul^j Ç*1^ öl
There are three things that arise from a person’s weakness: a) Separating from someone you know without learning their name and lineage, b) Refusing the hospitality offered to you, c) Approaching your slave or wife without speaking to them, without kissing them, and without considering their needs before having sexual relations with them.133
130) From ‘Umm Salama (with a weak source)
131) Ibn Majah, (from Utba b. ‘Abd with a weak source)
132) Deylemî, (from ‘Enes). This hadith is considered munkar.
133) Deylemî
Kitabu ‘Adab an-Nikah/IIL Section
Three nights of the month are considered disliked for having sexual relations: a) The first night of the month, b) The last night of the month, c) The middle night of the month. It is said that on these nights, the devil is present. It is also said that on these nights, the devils have sexual relations. The fact that having sexual relations on these nights is disliked is reported from Hz. ‘Ali, Mu’awiya, and Abu Hurayra (may Allah be pleased with them): (On Friday) may Allah have mercy on the person who washes himself and his family! One of the interpretations of this noble hadith (having sexual relations on Friday and thus making the wife wash) is that some scholars consider it recommended to have sexual relations on Friday and during the night of Friday.
When a person has sexual relations and enjoys it, he must give his wife the opportunity to enjoy it as well, so that she enjoys him as he enjoys her. For the woman’s discharge often comes after the man’s. In this regard, stimulating the woman’s desire and leaving her before it is fully satisfied is a form of oppression. The disagreement arising from the flow of discharge between spouses – if the man’s discharge comes first, it may lead to separation. If both the husband and wife’s discharges come at the same time, this is more pleasant for the wife. In order for this to happen, the man must make an effort. At that moment, the person should be occupied with himself, not with his wife.
For the woman often avoids expressing her needs out of shame. It is appropriate for a man to have sexual relations with his wife once every four nights, and doing so is more just. For the number of women who are lawful for a Muslim man is four. He can delay it further. Yes, (in order to protect his own or his wife’s soul from corruption) he can increase or decrease this period as needed. For the protection of the wife is obligatory upon the husband. Although it is not required from the husband to have sexual relations due to difficulty…
Al-Ihya’ al-‘Ulum ad-Din It is also the wife’s duty to refrain from her soul from the husband day and night. Even if she is fasting, she can only fast with the husband’s permission. (For only with the husband’s permission can she fast voluntarily). The husband should not have sexual relations with his wife when she is menstruating. After her menstrual bleeding has stopped, it is forbidden to have sexual relations before she washes herself (according to the Shafi’i school). It is forbidden to have sexual relations with a menstruating woman, as established by the Quranic text. It was said that children born from contact with a menstruating woman may suffer from leprosy. A person may play with the entire body of a menstruating wife. He may not have contact with his wife outside the mubah path. For the sexual relationship with a menstruating woman is forbidden because it is painful. In other parts of the wife’s body, the pain is always present.
Therefore, having contact in such a way is more forbidden than having contact with a menstruating wife. ‘Your wives are your fields. So, go to your fields as you wish’ (Bakara/223) verse also includes the meaning of ‘You may come to your fields at the time you wish.’ (It does not mean ‘you may come to your fields in any way you wish’). The hand of a menstruating wife may be used for istimna. Except for sexual relations, one may use any part of her body under her dress as desired. A small piece of cloth covering from the waist to the knees is appropriate for a menstruating woman. Doing so is proper. A person may eat with a menstruating wife. There is no harm in sleeping in the same bed and playing with her.
It is not necessary to avoid her due to her menstruation, except for sexual relations. If a person wishes to have sexual relations again with her after the first time, he should wash the genital area before contact. If the person ih134) This ruling is from the fatwa of Muhammad b. Hasan. According to this scholar, the husband may touch other parts of the wife’s body except for the genital area. For indeed, Allah Almighty says, ‘Stay away from the place of menstruation.’ The place of menstruation is the genital area. In the noble hadith, it is said, ‘When in a state of menstruation, you may do what you wish except for intimacy’ (Muslim). Tahawi from the Hanafis and Asbagh from the Malikis supported this fatwa. However, the fatwa given by Ghazali here is not according to the Shafi’i school, but may be his own opinion. See.
Ittihad us-Saade