Kitabu Âdâb’in-Nikâh/IL Bölüm
Because the word ‘Ribâ’ in the verse means excess. This, in turn,
implies implicitly seeking excess. Even if it is not interest, all
these things are disliked and innovations in the matter of marriage. It is similar to trade and gambling. It also undermines the main purposes of marriage.
Childbearing
If a woman is known to be barren, one should avoid marrying her. Because the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
Marry a woman who is pleasing and fertile!71
If a woman is not previously married and it is unknown whether she will bear children or not, one should consider her health and youth. Because when a woman is healthy and young, she is often fertile.
Virginity
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said to Jâbir, who married a widow:
Why did you not marry a virgin with whom you could play?72
There are three benefits to virginity:
(a) A virgin wife loves her husband and gains intimacy with him. Thus, this situation affects her affection. Did the Prophet not say, ‘Marry a woman who is pleasing’? Nature is created to be meticulous about the first friend.
A woman who has previously tried men and seen their conditions often cannot agree to some characteristics that go against tradition. Therefore, she cools off towards her husband.
71) Ebu Dâvud and Nesâî
72) Müslim and Buhârî
İhya-i Ulûm’id-Din b) Virginity allows the husband to love her more. Because nature is somewhat afraid of a woman who has been previously owned by another. And the husband’s nature feels burdened whenever he remembers this. Some natures are even more afraid in this regard. c) A widow always remembers her first husband. Because affection is usually strong with the first friend. Nobility
The woman a person marries should be a pious and virtuous daughter of a good family. Because such a woman raises her children in a pious manner. Therefore, if a woman has not been educated, how can she teach her children manners and education?
Based on this secret, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: .c^Jl çû*ll (_jj (L«^Jl #1 j2l :jli Î^JİI tlj-â»- t* :j^* c^jJI ^.r^’’ 3 f^”y Avoid the greenery that withers in the oven. When asked, ‘What is the greenery that withers in the oven?’, the Prophet (peace be upon him) replied, ‘It means a beautiful woman who grew up in a bad family.’ Choose for your offspring (a fertile land). Because the dam is very attractive. Not Being Too Close in Kinship
One should not marry someone who is too closely related. Because the closer the relationship, the less the passion. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: ,ÇjQ» JÂ^e -Opl OU iL^I Vljîll \<^S^i 73) Darekutnî, el-İfrad 74) Deylemî
Kitabu Âdâb’in-Nikâh/IL Bölüm
Do not marry a woman who is very close to you. Because the child will be weak. The weakness of the child resulting from such a marriage is due to the decrease in passion. Because passion only develops with the strength of the feeling of sight and touch. The strength of the feeling is more in things that are pleasing and newly encountered. For a woman whom one has previously seen and known, this feeling weakens and passion does not awaken. Thus, up to this point, the benefits we have mentioned are the benefits that encourage a person to marry a woman. The father of the bride should also pay attention to the qualities of the groom. Therefore, the father should choose a good groom for his daughter.
He should not marry his daughter to someone who is unattractive in terms of morality or appearance, or someone who is weak in religion, or someone who is unable to fulfill his daughter’s rights, or someone who is not equal to his daughter in lineage. Indeed, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Marriage is like slavery (similar to slavery). Therefore, be careful about whom you give your daughter to. It is more important to be cautious about the woman. Because the woman is virtually enslaved through marriage. There is no way out for the woman from this situation. The husband, on the other hand, can divorce her at any time. Therefore, if a person marries his daughter to a tyrant, a sinner, an innovator, or a drinker, he has attacked his religion and will be subjected to Allah’s severe punishment for not respecting the family ties and not choosing a virtuous groom.
When a man with many suitors asked Hasan Basri, ‘To whom should I give my daughter?’, he replied: ‘Give her to the one who fears Allah more. Because such a person, if he loves her, will treat her kindly. If he does not like her, he will not wrong her.’.) Ibrahim el-Harbî 76) Ebu Ömer et-Tukânî and Beyhakî
îhya-i Ulûm’id-Din
The Prophet (peace be upon him) also said:
Whoever marries his daughter to a sinner has cut off his relationship with her.77
77) Ebu Ömer et-Tukânî and Beyhakî
THIRD CHAPTER
Etiquette of Mutual Respect Between Husband and Wife and Matters That Ensure the Continuation of Marriage
A) The Husband’s Responsibilities
The husband must observe etiquette and caution in twelve matters:
1. Velîme
2. Muâşeret
3. Duâbe
4. Siyâset
5. Gayret
6. Nafaka
7. Tâlim
8. Taksim
9. Naşize
10. Vikâ
11. Vilâdet
12. Talâk; fairness and etiquette in divorce
I. Velîme
It is recommended to hold a Velîme feast. Enes (r.a) says:
U ;jüi ö>L> > İl
4|| Jp Jj
• A; ^5 PJ’ ^ *U’ ^p :jû* pj ^ jÇ jjj Ji ;*p J^j^ :jlü
İhya-i Ulûm’id-Din
When the Prophet (peace be upon him) saw the kina (bridal gift) on Abdurrahman b. Avf, he asked:
– What is this?
– I married a woman with a dowry of gold equal to the weight of a nevâ (a unit of measurement).
– May Allah bless you. In that case, even if it is a single sheep, you should feed the Velîme feast.78
When the Prophet (peace be upon him) married our mother Safiyya, he fed her dates and raisins as Velîme food.79
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
• < *Bl a^> ^< ^j îi»^ uJbJI ^lîj ij—- ^11)1 ^^j <5*" fji
This hadith is only reported by Ziyad b. Abdullah as a marfu’ narration. However, it is actually a garib narration.
It is recommended to congratulate the newlyweds. The one who congratulates should say: ‘May Allah bless you and grant you prosperity. May He unite you in goodness.’ Abu Hurayra (r.a) reports that the Prophet (peace be upon him) ordered him to recite the above prayer.81
It is recommended to make the marriage public. Indeed, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
78) Müslim and Buhârî
79) Sahih Sunan (from Enes)
80) Tirmidhi (from Ibn Masud)
81) Abu Dawood, Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah
Kitabu Adâb’in-Nikâh/III. Bölüm
Separating the halal and haram is the act of playing the def and making noise.82
.JiyJÜb çit ^y-j*^! ^»L-öl ^ «jIa^-Ij ^li^l li* lylti
Announce the marriage. Do it in mosques and play the def in the marriage ceremony.83
Muavviz’s daughter er-Rübeyî says: ‘The Prophet came to my room on the day I got married. He sat on my bed. Our servants were playing the def and reciting poems about my ancestors who died in battle. The servants continued this until one of them said: ‘There is a prophet among us who knows what will happen tomorrow.’
When the Prophet heard this, he said to the servant: ‘Do not say that! Continue with what you said before!’84
II. Muâşeret
One should live well with women and be kind to them. Because women’s minds are short, by doing this, the husband shows mercy to them. Indeed, Allah the Almighty says:
Be kind to them.
(Nisâ/19)
They have taken a firm guarantee from you.
(Nisâ/21)
Be kind to your close friend.
(Nisâ/36)
82) Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah
83) Tirmidhi and Beyhakî
84) Buhârî
İhya-i Ulûm’id-Din Some of the commentators say that ‘close friend’ refers to the wife. The Prophet (peace be upon him) made a will about three things in his last breath. As his speech became heavy and his speech became whispering, he kept repeating his advice about these three things and said: OİJp j^^* *l~~ll (_j* illi aJLJI (ûjilâj’i! ti ^jibG’^l |t^;l*il c^il* V»j j^lpll ö^UJl .4JI ûl^ jRJ? |Uİ^i-lj 4JI iiHlj (/yÂ^İ (tl^1 ^) ^jJÎ ^ Pay attention to prayer. Also, be respectful of the rights of the slaves you have. Do not burden them with anything beyond their capacity. Fear Allah regarding women. Allah! Because women are captives in your hands; (they are like captives).
You are in possession of them as Allah’s trust. You have made their souls lawful to you through Allah’s word. aUI tÛaPİ yİ X A Muslim who shows patience against his wife’s bad temper is given the same reward as Hz. Ayyub was given by Allah the Almighty. A Muslim woman who shows patience against her husband’s bad temper is given the reward of Asiyya, the wife of Pharaoh, by Allah. Being kind to a woman does not mean merely not mistreating her. On the contrary, it also means enduring the hardship she brings. A man should show patience and restraint when his wife is excited or angry. By doing so, he follows the example of the Prophet.
Because the Prophet’s pure wives used to respond to his words. Some of them even recited poetry to him from morning until evening. 85) Nesâî and Ibn Majah 86) Imam Irâki says he did not find the original of this hadith.) Muslim and Buhârî
Kitabu Âdâb’in-Nikâ线/IIL Bölüm
When Hz. Ömer’s wife responded to him, Hz. Ömer became angry and said, ‘O woman! Are you responding to me?’ The woman replied, ‘Even the wives of the Messenger of Allah respond to him. However, he is much more virtuous and superior than you.’ Hz. Ömer then said, ‘My daughter Hafsa, if she responds to the Messenger of Allah, she has been deprived and suffered loss.’ He then said to his daughter Hafsa, ‘My daughter Hafsa! Do not look at the daughter of Ibn Ebî Kuhâfe (Hz. Ebubekir’s daughter, Aisha) and be deceived. Because she is the beloved of the Messenger of Allah. (You are not as beloved to him as she is).’ In this way, Hz. Ömer prevented Hafsa from responding to the Messenger of Allah. It is reported that one of the pure wives of the Messenger of Allah, Hz.
The Prophet, pushed him from his chest. Seeing this, his mother scolded him severely. Observing this, the Prophet said to his mother-in-law: ‘Do not scold her, leave her to her own ways. They do more than what you have seen.’ There was a dispute between the Messenger of Allah and Âişe. So much so that Hz. Ebubekir es-Sıddîk had to act as an arbitrator between them. Upon this, the Messenger of Allah said to Âişe: lijî ^ Ji- /; Jî ı^ii ık Sn jî % cJi ^ J? :Jûi ^ ;î 3J0 •îj»J’ j^ JjA $ Ur** ^ ^ “J^j – Will you speak, or will I?
– No, you speak! But do not deviate from the truth. Only speak the truth! Upon hearing these words from Hz. Âişe, Hz. Ebubekir (r.a) became angry and struck Âişe so hard that his lips bled, and said to her: ‘O enemy of your soul! Do you say something other than what Allah’s Messenger says?’ In this situation, Hz. Aişe sought refuge with the Messenger of Allah and had to sit behind him. The Messenger of Allah (s.a) said to Hz. Ebubekir: .lü iiL uîji ‘ij uJj ^i p
We did not call you to beat her and we did not ask you to strike her.90
At one point, Hz. Aişe, our mother, became angry beside the Messenger of Allah and said: ‘You claim to be the Messenger of Allah!’ Upon hearing this, the Messenger of Allah smiled and showed tolerance with his grace and mercy.91
The Messenger of Allah (s.a) said to Hz. Aişe: ÜAİ Jlj Sı Jî Çj>j bl :jü î^‘ J^j :cJU-^ ^ ±Ç^ J>şl Jl
.ICı ^;i dı Jj^ ıJıî’ t(^ı;’ı Jij Sı :J ^ ıiıj
– I know whether you are angry or not.
– How do you know?
– When you are pleased, you say, ‘By Allah, I swear by Muhammad’s god,’ and when you are angry, you say, ‘By Allah, I swear by Ibrahim’s god.’
– You are right, I abandon your name when I am angry with you. (I have never doubted your prophethood).92
It is said: In Islam, the first love is the love of the Messenger of Allah for Hz. Aişe.93
The Messenger of Allah said to Hz. Aişe: 90) Tebârânî and Hatib
91) Ebu Yala, Ebu Şeyh
92) Muslim and Buhârî
93) Muslim and Buhârî
Kitabu Âdâb’in-Nikâh/III. Bölüm
Ebu Zer, Ümmü Zer’e nasıl idiyse, ben de sana öyleyim.
Ancak ben seni boşamam.94
Hz. Peygamber pâk zevcelerine şöyle demiştir:
A*^ j£> ÜyA ‘->^4 <_$» ^ J>? JU Jy \<^ ^j *iÛ ^ ^ J^yt
Âişe hakkında beni üzmeyiniz! Zira Allah'a yemin ederim,
onun dışında hiçbirinizin yatağında bana vahiy nâzil olmuş
değildir.95
Enes (r.a) der ki: ‘Allah'ın Rasûlü, çocuklar ve kadınlar
hakkında herkesten daha merhametli ve şefkatli idi’.96
III. Duâbe
Hanımının sıkıntılarını gidermeye, onunla oynaşmaya ve
şakalaşmaya çalışmalıdır. Çünkü bu tür hareketler kadınların
kalbini hoş eder. Allah'ın Rasûlü (s.a) onlarla şakalaşıyordu.
İşlerinde ve hareketlerinde onların seviyesine iniyordu. Hatta ri
vayet ediliyor ki, Hz. Peygamber (s.a) Âişe validemizle yarışıyordu.
Birgün Hz. Âişe onu geçti. Bazı günlerde o Âişe'yi geçti ve ‘Bugün
kazandığım zafer, daha önce kazandığın zafere karşılık olsun’97
dedi.
Haberde şöyle gelmiştir: Hz. Peygamber herkesten daha iyi
hanımlarıyla konuşan ve şakalaşan bir kimseydi.98
Âişe vâlidemiz şöyle anlatmaktadır:
Aşûre gününde birtakım Habeşlilerin mescidde kılıç kalkan
oyunlarının seslerini duydum. Seslere dikkat ettiğimi gören
Rasûlullah bana şöyle dedi: ‘Onların oyunlarını görmek is-
94) Müslim ve Buhârî
95) Buhârî
9线) Müslim
97) Ebu Dâvud, Nesâî, İbn Mâce
98) Haşan b. Süfyan, Bezzar ve Taberânî
İhya-i Ulûm’id-Din ter misin?’ Ben ‘evet isterim’ dedim. Rasûlullah onlara haber gönderdi, benim odamın kapısına geldiler. Rasûlullah kapı yanlarının arasında durdu. Elini kapının önüne koydu. Bir elini de arkaya uzattı. Ben de çenemi Rasûlullah’ın eli üzerine koydum. Onlar oynuyor, ben de böylece seyrediyordum. Rasûlullah zaman zaman bana ‘Bu kadar yeter mi?’ diyordu: ben ise, Rasûlullah’a iki veya üç defa ‘sus (biraz seyredeyim)’ dedim. Sonra Rasûlullah bana tekrar, ‘Ey Âişe! Bu kadar yeter mi ?’ dedi. Ben de ‘evet’ dedim. Bunun üzerine Rasûlullah Habeşlilere işaret etti. Onlar da dağılıp gittiler. Onlar gittikten sonra Hz.
Peygamber ‘Mü’minlerin iman yönünden ga mükemmel olanları ahlâkı en güzel ve ailesine karşı en fazla lütufkâr olan kimsedir’ dedi. Ey ümmetim! Sizin en hayırlınız, zevcelerine en hayırlı olanınızdır. Ben ise zevcelerim için hepinizden daha hayırlıyım. Hz. Ömer (r.a) katılığına rağmen şöyle demiştir: ‘Müslüman kişi aile efradı içinde çocuk gibi olmalıdır. Dışarıya karşı ise erkek olmalıdır’. Lokman Hekim şöyle demiştir: ‘Akıllı bir kişiye gereken hareket, aile efradının içinde çocuk gibi olmaktır. Ne zaman cemaate katılırsa, erkek olmalı’. , .^ı^ı J>^J! j^ üji ûi Allah, katı tabiatlı, sitemkâr, kibirli ve hiç kimseye ikramda bulunmayanlara buğzeder.
Bu hadîsin tefsirinde şöyle denildi: ‘Ca’zerî, aile efradına karşı merhametsiz olan kimse demektir. Cevvaz ise, gururlu ve mütekebbir olan kimse demektir’.) Nesâî, Tirmizî ve Hâkim 100) Tirmizî 101) Ebu Bekir b. Lâl
Kitabu Âdâb’in-Nikâh/III. Bölüm
Hadîse verilen bu mânâ, şu ayete verilen mânâlardan biridir: ‘O utüll’dür’ (Kalem/13). Denildi ki: Utüll, lisânı bozuk, çoluk çocuğuna karşı kalbi katı demektir. Hz. Peygamber, Câbir’e ‘Neden bir bâkire kızla evlenmedin ki, sen onunla, o da seninle oynaşırdınız’ demiştir. Bedevî bir kadın, ölen kocasını şöyle vasıflandırıyordu: ‘Allah’a yemin ederim, o eve girdiği zaman, güler yüzlü idi. Çıktığında diline sahipti. Bulduğunu yer, kaybolanın nereye gittiğini sormazdı’. IV. Siyaset Şakada, güzel ahlâk ve kadının nefsî isteklerine uymakta kadının ahlâkını bozacak kadar ve kendisinin de kadın nezdindeki itibarını düşürecek kadar müsamaha göstermemelidir. Aksine mutedil ve normal hareket etmelidir.
Kadında herhangi bir münker gördüğünde heybetini ve râzı olmadığını göstermelidir. Kötülüklere yardım eden kapıyı açmamaya bakmalıdır. Allah’ın nizamına, insan mürüvvetine aykırı olan herhangi bir şeyi kadından gördüğü zaman, kaplan kesilip kükremelidir. Haşan Basrî şöyle demiştir: ‘Allah’a yemin ederim, kadının hevâsına itâat ederek sabahlayan bir kimseyi (Allah Teâlâ) yüzü üstü cehenneme atar’. Hz. Ömer (r.a) şöyle demiştir: ‘Kadınlara (onların hevaî isteklerine) muhalefet edin. Çünkü onların hevâlarına muhalefet edişinizde bereket vardır’. Denildi ki, ‘Kadınlarla istişare edin, fakat sonunda onlara muhalefette bulunun’. Hz. Peygamber (s.a) şöyle buyurmuştur: Karısının kölesi olan kaymış veya mahrum olmuştur.
102) İmam Irâkî, bu hadisin son şekildeki rivayetine vâkıf olmadığını kaydettikten sonra, ‘Altının kölesi ve gümüşün kölesi olan kaymıştır’ şeklinde Buhârî’nin rivayet ettiği bir hadisin mevcut olduğunu söylemektedir.