To show, to forgive them, and to serve them, that is, to be together with them without claiming any right over anyone, without demanding any right from anyone, and by thinking that everyone has a right over oneself.
To act in accordance with them in everything one says and does, and to always be with them even if it is to one's own detriment, is among the etiquettes of companionship with fellow disciples on the tariqa (Sufi path/order). One offers excuses on their behalf, considers them excusable, refrains from opposing them, distancing oneself from them, struggling (mujādala) with them, or treating them harshly. One overlooks their faults.
If one of the brethren opposes him in a matter, even if the matter is contrary to what he said, he openly accepts what the brother says. One should not lose the qalb (the love) of the brethren and should always avoid doing things they dislike. If he sees their benefit in a matter, he should bear no grudge against anyone.
If one of the brethren is offended by him, he should treat him kindly until the resentment ends; if the resentment does not end, he should increase his kindness and continue his good behavior until it does. If he feels resentment or sorrow in his heart due to ghība (backbiting) or any other reason about one of the brethren, he should not show it and should believe inwardly the opposite is true.
Companionship with strangers (ṣuḥba maʿa l-ajānib) should be as follows: The murīd (aspirant, disciple) should conceal secrets that should not be spoken from strangers, look upon them with compassion and mercy, entrust his possessions to them, conceal the rules of the tariqa from them, be patient with their bad character, avoid being with them as much as possible, not believe himself to be superior to them, and believe that they are Muslims and that Allah may forgive them. The murīd should consider that he may be held accountable for trivial and significant matters, for major and minor sins, that Allah will not forgive scholars for sins He forgives the ignorant, that He does not care for the common people, but that those among the elite (khawāṣṣ) are in danger.
Companionship with the young (ṣuḥba maʿa l-aṣāghir) consists of showing them compassion, teaching them etiquette, directing them to the rulings of the madhhab (school of law), and showing them the path to salvation. 916 companionship.
Fulfilling all their wishes may not benefit them. Therefore, they should also be warned against things that are not beneficial to them.
Companionship with the wealthy (ṣuḥba maʿa l-aghniyāʾ): One should not covet the wealth of the rich, not set one's eyes on what they possess, cast out from the heart what they have, and protect one's religion by avoiding flattery toward the rich.
Companionship with the poor (ṣuḥba maʿa l-fuqarāʾ) should be as follows: When the murīd is with the poor, in eating, drinking, clothing, sitting and standing, pleasure and enjoyment, he should prefer them over himself. He should see himself as lower than them and know that he has no superiority over them in anything. (Gunya, II, 169-170)
Companionship with the master (ṣuḥba maʿa l-ustādh) is by obeying his commands and prohibitions. This companionship is essentially a service. (Ādāb, 37)
During companionship with strangers (ṣuḥba maʿa l-ghurabāʾ), one should be very cheerful, humble, and well-mannered. One should see that they have been granted virtue by hosting oneself, show them hospitality, and pay attention to them. One should strive to serve them as much as possible, meet their requests, and endure any difficulties they may cause.
During companionship with the ignorant (ṣuḥba maʿa l-juhhāl), one should act with patience and akhlāq (good character), treat them gently, and bear their ignorance. One should look upon them with mercy and consider it a blessing not to be ignorant like them. When faced with their ignorance, one should not respond, but meet it with gentleness. Even the prophets did not say more than necessary to those who accused them of misguidance, ignorance, and foolishness (ittihām). (Ādāb, 38)
During companionship with family and children (ṣuḥba maʿa l-ahl), one should show them compassion, treat them gently, raise them with etiquette, and encourage them to be obedient.
During companionship with brethren (ṣuḥba maʿa l-ikhwa), one should, as much as possible, conform to them and never oppose them. However, this does not apply to matters deemed legitimate by religion. There should be no hatred or enmity among brethren, and all should look upon each other with trust.
During companionship with the sultan (ṣuḥba maʿa s-sulṭān), one should listen and obey as long as there is no action against Allah and His Messenger. (Ādāb, 39)
When Abū Manṣūr Maghribī was asked, "How many years did you keep company with Abū ʿUthmān?" he replied: "I served him; I did not keep company with him. Companionship is with brethren, peers, and shaykhs who are people of service."
For companionship, there must be a shared attribute of kind. The feelings that lead people to companionship are sometimes general, sometimes specific. The general attribute is that some people love each other and have special feelings for one another. The specific attribute is the closeness felt by people of the same religion. Even more specific is the feeling shared among those who are obedient and among those who are rebellious. When these matters are examined, it is seen that the feelings that lead people to companionship are sometimes specific, sometimes general.
When a person keeps company (ṣuḥba) with someone, he should carefully consider the reason for this companionship. He should investigate the reason for the companionship and weigh his relationship with the person by the scale of sharia (the sacred law). If he is convinced that his friend's states are good, he should give himself glad tidings, for Allah has polished his mirror and his friend's virtues are reflected in it. If he is convinced that his friend's states are wrong, he should blame and accuse his own nafs (the lower self), for his own state is reflected in his friend's mirror.
Benefits of companionship: Companionship opens the pores of a person's inner world. Through companionship, one grasps the reality of events. It is said that only the one who is afflicted knows what calamity and misfortune are. The strengthening of a person's inner world is possible through the soundness of his knowledge. The strengthening of his sincerity is possible by encountering calamities and misfortunes and emerging from them with iman (faith). All these come about through companionship, friendship, solidarity, and mutual assistance. Through these, the armies of the heart are strengthened, spirits find peace and tranquility, the path to turning to Allah is found, and one turns to Him. This is exemplified in sounds: when voices come together, they become louder, overcome obstacles, and rise; when alone, you are prevented from reaching your aim.
The worst thing for the murīd is companionship. For the tariqa is based on abandoning habits and giving up things considered good. Since companionship leads to familiarity and intimacy, and separation causes pain and change in the qalb, we have not favored it. For this reason, many shaykhs have said: "The intimacy felt in seclusion (khalwa) is not with Allah but with seclusion itself for one who feels intimacy in solitude and loneliness in company." In this ḥāl (spiritual state), what befits the murīd is to completely avoid companionship. The murīd's himma (spiritual aspiration) should be to find a shaykh. If he finds a shaykh, he should not consider anyone else unless the shaykh commands, should not befriend or associate with the shaykh's students, and should not sit with them. Therefore, he should be like one who feels estrangement among his own kind and other creatures, fleeing from them and seeking intimacy with Allah. (Tadbīrāt, 234)
In the hadith, "On a journey, you should have a companion" (Abū Dāwūd, Jihād, 72; Tirmidhī, Daʿawāt, 41), it is said that companionship is a divine attribute. (Futūḥāt, II, 283)
There are three benefits of companionship: First, keeping company with people of goodness prevents the murīd from returning to his former state and from laziness, and keeps him away from committing evil. Being distant from evil saves him from wrongdoing, and being close to obedience leads the murīd to mastery over the nafs. Thus, the blessing of companionship and the strength of spirituality make the murīd's tasks easier.
Second, understanding of hearts is only possible through companionship. One who tastes the sweetness of companionship and is transformed by it cannot be affected by others. Character is influenced by other character without one realizing it. A person is upon the religion of his friend, and the mu'min (believer) is the mirror of the mu'min. What is seen in the mirror is also the image of those who look into it. For this reason, the Shādhilīs and Naqshbandīs attach great importance to companionship.
Know that what draws two people to companionship is shared feelings and mutual affiliation. Some people feel close to certain others. Even some animals feel close to certain animals. Thus, every being finds among others a being close to itself. Those of the same nation form a maḥabba (love) community among themselves; the obedient form a community among themselves. Conversely, the people of maʿṣiya (disobedience) also form a community among themselves. That is, every group forms its own circle of companionship.
Third, the murīd is also tested (imtiḥān) with his own nafs. When he is alone, it is very easy for shayṭān to deceive him with various khayāl (fantasies), delusions, and bāṭil (false) beliefs. These ways of deception may include corrupt thoughts, laziness, trickery, qudra (power), heresy, and types of istidrāj (gradual enticement). Shayṭān presents all these to the murīd and makes them appear as truth. For this reason, the murīd must mutlaqan (absolutely) have a shaykh. Only then can he be saved from the aforementioned vices and find the right path. (Jāmiʿ, 23)
Companionship, in language, means social interaction. According to the people of reality, it is divided into three types: Companionship with someone of higher rank than oneself is service. In companionship with someone of lower rank, you should show compassion and mercy to the one who follows you so that he will respect and be loyal to you. The companionship of equals is based on altruism and futuwwa (altruism and chivalry).
When a shaykh keeps company with another shaykh of higher rank, he should not object to him openly or secretly. He should always be cheerful with him. When a shaykh keeps company with a peer, he should not notice his faults. Even his unpleasant aspects should, as much as possible, be interpreted (taʾwīl) favorably. If he cannot find a way to do so, he should blame and reproach his own nafs. (Jāmiʿ, 148)